Was Eavesdropping - Didn’t Like What I Heard

This week I’m preparing to shoot another video for my business*.

It will be a behind-the-scenes video of my Frocktober shoots.

There’s a lot of work that goes on in planning a photo shoot, and when that photo shoot also includes a film shoot, well, you can 10x the amount of preparation and planning.

So I’m working on shot lists and run sheets, sourcing fabrics and models and hair and makeup artists, and pulling together all the nitty-gritty bits of info that Martyn (who is a real life cinematographer and who is shooting the film for me) might need to plan his side of things.

As part of that preparation, I wanted to give him a taste of what it looks like when I make one of these mock frocks on people, so I took my old mannequin and filmed myself creating a mock frock from whoa to go.

Let me let you in on what I overheard while I was watching that video back:

“Oh. My. God. You call yourself a photographer. You can’t even make yourself look good on camera. Hmph! I don’t know why Martyn lowers himself to work with you. He probably only does it because he's family."

“You actually like that haircut?”

“This is so boring. The most boring video ever. No one wants to watch you do this!”

“What happened to your chin? You have no chin! Martyn’s going to have his work cut out for him making you look good on camera. And that tum! When did that happen? You better pray big butts stay in fashion for a while, too.”

“You look really stupid when you’re making a frock. You pull really weird faces.”

“Hmmm…how many push ups would I have to do each day between now and the shoot to get some tone back into those tuck shop arms?”

“And that mock frock you’re making? That’s not gonna cut it. Looks like sh*t.”

Why am I telling you this?

I’m not telling you this to get your sympathy or loads of comments telling me I’m a lovely person – “she has a good personality” is the phrase I think you’d be looking for 😉

No. I’m telling you this to let you know that I get it.

It’s hard putting yourself in front of the camera. It's confronting coming in and seeing your photos.

We all go straight to the long list of things we don’t like about ourselves.

But you know what? None of that stuff matters. No-one else looks at us this way. In fact, people who know and love us see us with much kinder eyes than the set we use to see ourselves. And actually, even people who don’t know us are not this cruel.

So, I’m going persevere. I will make the behind-the-scenes video, and I will share it with the world. Because it’s not about what I look like, and whether I meet some external and unattainable beauty standard.

What I do is about connection, about the joy of people coming together and creating something wonderful. Usually what we create is beautiful – but I don’t think that comes just from the physical beauty of my clients, nor just the incredible work of my makeup artists. It’s not about the clothes people wear, or whether they have the latest “it” bag or on-trend hair style.

Nope. It’s not any of those things.

I photograph the beauty that comes through taking the risk to be vulnerable, to put a little bit of yourself on the line.

It’s the beauty that comes through taking the risk to be vulnerable, to put a little bit of yourself on the line. The be scared, but do it anyway. It’s the glimpse of the perfectly imperfect you that slips out in the in-between moments… those times when I’ve put my camera down to adjust a reflector, or move something on the set… the times that – and if you’ve been in for a shoot with me already you’ll already know how this sounds – the times that I look up and say, “Don’t move! Don’t move! It’s that... that look you have right now. That’s what we’re after! Yes! Just perfect!”

So next time you think you might like to book a photoshoot and then you talk yourself out of it with your own version of internal monologue rubbish that I shared with you above… maybe take a moment to pause and think about what’s really going on.

It’s not about the photoshoot. It’s about feeling vulnerable.

But it’s the vulnerable parts of life that are the richest. And my studio is truly a safe place for vulnerability.

So feel the feelings, and then book in anyway.

Jen x

Ready to book in?

The button below will take you to a page where you can purchase a shoot. Once I see your booking come in, I’ll be in touch to set a date for your session & talk with you about how you would most love to be photographed.

*What I mean is, I’m preparing to have my incredibly talented brother-in-law Martyn, who happens to be a film maker, shoot another video for my business.